Grief

Grief is not a temporary thing. It stays. It lingers and revisits the heart in moments unexpected.

On February 2019, the day after Valentine’s Day, the one woman cut out from my own heart who has been with me so close, our hearts almost beat as one for twenty-three years, has gone home to her number one love, our Father in Heaven.

She was twenty three when she was called back home, my daughter.

Since that fateful day when the unexpected twist happened, I haven’t really come to terms with the greatest loss I have ever experienced in my life. I felt and always still feel God’s comforting love and I know my daughter is in the best place in another dimension. I know that it is out of God’s love that she is now there singing her worship songs to no end. You see, she lived a full life, never making excuses, just did her best. She loved the way God wanted her to love. She obeyed as best she could possibly do and she reaped the harvest of love. She has spread so much love in her lifetime and the ripple effects extend up to this present time that she is no longer among us, the living. The way she lived, it was like she lived three lifetimes. People poured in during her wake to the point of a standing-room-only, skin-to-skin kind of celebration event.

And yet with these thoughts in mind, the grief still hits when I think about her and how we held hands when we walked, how we laughed out loud when we talked about funny things. She used to tell her friends “My mom is my best friend”. I was always full of joy whenever I heard that. Having raised her to trust me with her secrets, she did always share her heart to me. I still, up to now, couldn’t believe that I will never see her again in this lifetime; will never hear her laughter and her stories. So I grieve.

The Bible says, “To die is gain”. Indeed it is, for it is the end of all suffering and pain. When a loved one goes to the next life, our best attitude is to celebrate the life lived, the love sowed and the joy spread, just like we did for my daughter. Even amidst grieving, let gratitude be our anchor as we move forward allowing life to unfold. This temporary life, let us live it with memories of joyful times with a little reminder that one day we too shall leave this land.

As I grieve still, I think about life and its brevity. While we’re here alive in the planet, let our seeds of love be scattered everywhere, planted in many hearts, hovering over our fellow humanity, for every act of kindness we send is precious without measure. We will never know how deep we touch others’ lives until the time they lose us and grieve when we’re gone.

To life,

Joji